Thursday, January 19, 2006  12:35 AM
Confounding conversations
I apologise in advance if the next few entries in my blog are going to sound like what some stupid jock would write on his blog, but Martina Hingis is not out of the Australian Open just yet (and Venus is, haha) so I feel the need to make up for the three years that I could not blog about her. I watched a little bit of the re-cap of the Hingis-Zvonareva match yesterday - yes, I didn't actually skip tutorial - and when she won, I was all choked up with emotion. That reminiscent sunny smile when she won reminded me so much of the good old Hingis days. And this is only her first-round win. She beat the 30th seed 6-1, 6-2 which is super impressive if you ask me. Her shots were perfectly placed, and the commentators (good old Vijay Amitraj) could not stop talking about how she used her wit and intelligence to win the game. It was obvious that the crowd was all about Hingis yesterday. They cheered loudly and nodded appreciatively after her every winning point! Haha. Hingis's playing Emma Laine tomorrow on Vodafone right after Juan Carlos Ferrero's match; my favourite male and female player playing back to back! And this time, it falls within my draggy four-and-a-half-hour break! Yay. :)
I was struggling with alot of emotions and sorting out my thoughts today after this particular conversation with a friend. Life, love, future boyfriends and husbands, being too nice that people start to take you for granted. I've come to realise that I cannot accept someone if he only treats me well. Even if he gives me the world, but is completely oblivious to the feelings of the rest of the world, I'd not be able to tolerate that. I do realise that if someone has feelings for you, they tend to be biased towards you and there's inevitable preferential treatment, but that still does not justify ignoring and hurting other people.
And won't that also make the entire world hate me then? Especially if I welcome this admirer's advances with open arms and am completely blind to the state of his friendships with others? I hope I'll never be that girl; I shouldn't, I hope. With all that perception in me, I'd better not sink to that level even if I am lovestruck. I will not.
People taking me for granted seems to be what my friends have been telling me lately. Am I being overly nice? I don't care for reciprocation or recognition of what I do for others; I really don't. As long as I'm happy with what I've done or what I'm doing, that's fine by me. But of course there's the other side to view this, that people will continue to make use of me and expect me to always be sacrificial no matter what the circumstances. Then I become a pushover. It then lead me to think: Am I this naturally good-hearted person or am I simply one of those sickening people-pleasers? And if I am the latter, I do not want other people to see me as nice because that's not who I really am. But I am going to take this friend's advice - I will not let myself suffer at the expense of others and I will treat myself better even if I'm going to feel bad after that. While there are some that love and appreciate me for that, some do not realise it. And it's to those people especially that I'm going to try to keep this vow.
A side note as I'm glancing at the television: Maria Sharapova's legs are damn nice. And Hingis has got to start wearing ankle socks.
And a certain someone's a year older today. Too bad I can't do some flashing words or rollovers on your name, but still - Happy Birthday, Jings! :)
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