Monday, October 16, 2006  8:42 PM
A milk chocolate covered green apple
Octobre is coming to end. Soon enough, anyway. And no I didn't spell the month wrongly - that's how the French spell it. French is not easy, especially when they love to confuse themselves once they hit number seventy. Eighty is technically broken down into four multiplied by twenty, and eighty-one four multipled by twenty plus one. I wonder how Janis is coping.
I can hardly believe the year is coming to an end. I think back on how I've changed and in what ways I haven't. Church and Crusade have become the two pillars of my life and instead of relying on circles of friendships for happiness, I'm depending on God more than ever.
What does being a milk chocolate covered green apple mean? Sweet yet tart. Tart: sharp in character, spirit, or expression. That contradictory description of my behaviour could be the reason why sometimes I feel like I'm struggling like a fish on land. I try, and try to be that person I think I really am, but when it fails without recognition, I crumble, seek solace and wish I could shut everything else out. Sometimes I think I'm too judgmental, too critical, and expect too much of other people that when they fail me, I grapple with it harder than anyone else. Yet I have my own beliefs that I hold tight-fistedly and make sure I don't go against myself. And all this while I continue trying to smile in front of everyone else, and maintain the subtle sweetness.
When my friends are licorice, champagne-filled pralines and a 7 metre strawberry tape, we make up an atypical group that wonders what we'll do if we receive Precious Moments.
I'd put on that sacharrine smile and be entirely appreciative of the thought and effort, but wonder - is that who I really am or is there anything else more suited for me?
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