Tuesday, June 01, 2004  9:41 AM
my two grandmothers.
being sick is such a pain. i love sleep. sleep is one of the most important and most vital things in life to me. but when i'm sick, i just can't sleep! take last night, for example, i was running a fever of 38.3 degrees...and the number of times i woke up throughout the night was unbelievable. my body was going hot, and then cold, then hot, then cold, and when the blankets were on, i felt like i was in an incinerator, and when i threw them off, it was like being in a freezer. i gave up trying to sleep at 8am this morning, and that pisses me off cos i love waking up late and it's the holidays so i can finally wake up as and when i please. argh.
i visited my maternal granny on saturday. i've not been spending enough time with her, and i don't know why it took me so long to realise that. she's so cynical about life ever since her husband passed away, and sometimes i want to reach out and help her, but i don't know how to. i had a heartwarming chat with her though (yes, in what you would call my broken mandarin) and i felt so sorry for her. it doesn't help that she lives so far away from me either. she's lost all will to live and she keeps elucidating that she's just waiting to die because there's no point in her living any longer and she's useless. i wanted to cry and tell her that she's been the most wonderful grandmother ever...she was the one who brought me up and took care of me for the first six years of my life. and i did, but it all seems lost now. on the contrary, my paternal grandmother is so full of life it's amazing. she has a gazillion friends and talks to anyone she meets. i can't count the number of times she's told me stories about the "boys at the bus stop".
they're so different, and yet both so special to me. and in some ways, i love my maternal grandmother more. she's like a fragile bird with broken wings that needs tender care. and as long as she's still here, i hope to be that person who gives it to her.
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